Hope For the Heart of a Mother

By Tammy Trail

You know how you wish you could go back and do things over again? Yeah, me too! One regret I truly wish I had a “do over” with is mothering my daughter. If I knew then, what I know now kind of thing.

Amanda came into the world with her own idea of how her world should go. Any deviation from it and there was hell to pay. She is stubborn, extremely strong willed, and opinionated.

I used to pull my hair out every morning when it was time to go to work. My little darling would stomp her tiny foot and refuse to wear the outfit I had picked that day. I was late to work practically every day no matter how much I  planned ahead, or prepared myself to rebut a three-year old’s arguments. One December morning,  I envisioned myself tossing her bare naked into the snow.

By the time Amanda was eight years old, both our foreheads were sore from the constant head butts and collisions of life. Her second-grade teacher approached me and wondered if I had thought about counseling. That threw me for a loop! When I talked to my husband about it, he agreed. He was tired of playing referee. I asked around and was given the name of a therapist who I will be grateful to for eternity. Now we would get answers. Now we would find out how to fix my sweet girl.

Once a week, Amanda and I would go and talk to Sharon. After a few weeks, Sharon privately asked me about my background. Where I grew up, what kind of parents did I have, siblings, etc. Then she asked me a very odd question. She asked me why I hadn’t married an alcoholic, like my dad?

She told me I had not followed the statistics, I should have married an alcoholic too. I told her it was because I had determined at a young age, I would not live like that when I got married and had children. I would love my children and treat them well. Our sweet therapist then informed me, only a person with an extremely strong will could have made such a plan unfold and not follow the normal path.

Then it hit me! I made Amanda the way she is, it was in the DNA. She then explained to me that having a strong will is not necessarily a bad thing if directed in positive activities such as  academics, sports, or music. But once a negative influence gets in there, watch out!

I wish I could report all was fine and dandy after that revelation. Amanda’s teen years were awful. We had moved from our tiny community to a big city, with big city drama. My prayers increased as she made more defiant choices. Yes, God does answer prayers!

Amanda had taken classes to become a certified nurse’s assistant while still in high school. A year later, she completed a med-aide course in order to give medication to her nursing home residents. The responsibility of working, making her own money, and the choices it allowed helped her to blossom into a mature young lady.

After her marriage to Curtis in 2012, she was more determined to finish her schooling. In December of 2016, she graduated with honors as a registered nurse. So, the strong will in the right direction did pay off. Now, I don’t want to you to think that Amanda was a terrible child all the time. We were always delighted with her sharp wit, and her big, tender heart. She will always cheer for the underdog.

Her son, Kayden is just as strong-willed and stubborn as she ever was. Amanda understands it, and gives him grace; something I had to learn to do. Her father and I are so proud of her!

Click to tweet: Strong-willed children. The good and the not so good.

Writing prompt: Let’s talk about children. What parenting books would you recommend?